Even If It Makes Me Cry

Once upon a time, I was a 135 pound, size eight, 27 year-old bride to be.  That's a picture of me, then, at my baccalaureate party.  Five years and two kids later, I'm tipping the scales at a much higher number than I wish to share.  I got married in 2006, had my daughter in 2008 and my son in 2010.  I had both of my children via C-section.  But now it's been over a year since my son was born and it's time to lay the "I've had two kids" excuse to rest.

The fact is, I've struggled with my weight since high school.  I've been up.  I've been down.  For most of my late teens and early twenties I bounced around between 120 and up to 150 before I got in decent shape for my wedding.  Keep in mind that I'm only 5'1", so 150 was heavier for me than it would be for a taller woman.  I actually started putting weight back on before I got pregnant with Kaiya.  I was careless.  We had started trying for her right after the wedding and I kind of had it in my mind that I was going to get pregnant and gain weight anyway, so why bother working too hard on my weight right now?  Not the wisest choice on my part.  I was back up to around 150 when I finally got pregnant with Kaiya and gained 50lbs during my first pregnancy.  Yes, I broke the 200lb mark (while pregnant).  I did lose a lot of the weight after she was born, but never got back below 150.  Then came Carson.  At least I didn't break 200 with him, but I did put on about 35lbs.  I lost some of it, but now, 14 months after the birth of my second child, the body of my past seems like such a distant memory. 

Being overweight sucks!  I hate it.  I hate looking in the mirror most days and I hate trying to find clothes that I feel good in.  Some days I am really hard on myself, and it really gets me down.  I do not like the way my body looks.  It affects me on a day-to-day basis.  I know I'm the only one who can fix it.  One good thing is that I still don't have to shop plus sizes.  I promised myself I never would.  If I'm going to keep that promise to myself, I have to fix it now.  I feel like I'm at a point right now where I have to draw the line.  I cannot let it go any longer.  I cannot make any more excuses for myself.  I need to just do it.

Four days ago, I started Insanity®.  This is the first time that I can remember (since my days in the National Guard, anyway) that I've worked out for more than two consecutive days (let alone 4!).  I will do the Day 5 workout tonight and I will do the Day 6 workout tomorrow.  And I will do the entire 60-day challenge, resting only one day per week.   I cried (just a tiny bit) on day 3.  It is a hard workout.  I'll probably cry again.  But I'm sticking with it and I'm going to like my body again.

Follow me on my journey, if you like.  I'll be posting updates and, eventually, pictures of my progress.  I'm not yet comfortable posting a "before" pic, but I think I will be once I can say, "That used to be me."